That's My Bike...Punk!

The other day I was engaging in a conversation with a friend when she told me that I should consider being a counselor. My immediate response was "nah, it's too depressing. Someone hanging a cloud over your head when you're reaching for your own sunshine.” And those were my words without a thought or pause. Those that really know me know that I like helping people and MOTIVATING them to make a positive move forward in their own lives. But in that split second I made a statement that seemed to contradict what I believe is part of my purpose here on Earth. But that's only if one was to judge the statement surface level. Sometimes you can't help everybody or take everyone along with you on your journey. Your personal journey. Sometimes you have to feed people with a long handled spoon, and it doesn't necessarily have to be because they're bad people, but maybe because you're an unfinished book yourself. Often times we try to save people from drowning, but in the process of handing them our life jacket we realize that we don't know how to swim ourselves (there was a reason that we had on the life jacket in the first place). I’m just going to be honest with you, sometimes people weigh you down. You’re barely staying afloat because you’re just “getting the hang of things” yourself trying to save a 250 lb. man from drowning…not possible. Before you know it, people are taking and taking and taking because you keep on giving and giving and giving…and you ain’t getting sh*t in return, but the mirror only reflects what stands in front of it (wait for it). Now I’m not saying you can’t help people, but you don’t have to do it at the expense of yourself. People will use you until they use you up. Sometimes you have to move everyone out of the way and go for self. Be courteous, be respectful, be honest and learn to let go of seasonal people without letting go of yourself in the process. Don’t allow people to rain on your parade, especially if you’re in a “good place.” Don’t allow unimportant people to come into your lane and get you off course. Surround yourself with those that applaud you when you do well and MOTIVATE you to do better when you’re not reaching your potential. Reach back and help those that need to be helped, but don’t jeopardize your dream helping somebody else out of their nightmare. And when you do reach back, don’t do it expecting anything in return, do it because that’s a decision you wanted to make…because nine times out of 10 you won’t get anything in return (from them). So basically what I’m saying is make the decision to help someone based off the person you are not the person you’re helping, but don’t let them use you. To sum it all up, don’t let someone hang a cloud over your head while you’re reaching for your own sunshine.

The Breath I Breathe Is Just...Different

I still breathe different. It has been umpteen months and fifty-eleven hours and I still breathe different. Nothing has been the same since it happened, and I'm not sure things will ever go back to the way they were. I'm better for it without a doubt, especially to those around me, but I can't help but feel like I'll always be chasing that part of myself. THAT piece that got away. Please don't get things misconstrued, I am grateful. I'm wise enough to know things could have been a lot worse. But now it's like my vision has abandoned me, gone in the blink of an eye. Pun intended. Or was it distorted before everything hit the fan? I've watched the sun rise and set since I was six years old, always realizing that what goes up must always come down. I watch that same sun, but through a much different lens now. I now appreciate it for what it is…one of the most beautiful things my eyes have ever seen. I stare at it as it goes down, forced to wonder how long will it continue to shine. Sometimes I have to take a deep breath just at the sight of it. One foot in front of the other, day by day. I can smile though…because I won. All the times I was silent when I should've said something. All the times that it was dark, when everyone else had light. I won. I'm better…because I can see clearly now. No more cloudy days, there all gone away. However there is a price to pay for wisdom and improvement, and even when I made it to the other side of the storm, I was sad for those that I left behind. Have you ever stood in a room full of people feeling completely alone? Because you "get it." Apart of you has always gotten it and due to this fact, apart of you will always be lonely because THAT part of you will always get what no one else does. You will always be ten steps ahead, seeing what others cannot see and those who can, choose not to because they know all too well, the price that must be paid. They know that sometimes it's just easier to fit in with everyone else because it's lonely standing by oneself. They know that sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut because things have always been that way and most martyrs die way before THE CAUSE they are fighting for. So if you see me around and I look down, just continue on your journey and pray for me because you know that I did not have a choice. You know that even if I did walk away from the responsibility, the burden of my transgressions alone would have killed me. Pray for me because you know most martyrs didn't have an option. They see things before everyone else. And even though I am ten steps ahead often MOTIVATING those that are sometimes ten steps behind just know…that there is ALWAYS a price to pay. And know that even if I live to be 80 years old, I died to myself a long time ago. But the reward is so much better than the sacrifice. So if a better me makes a better you, then so be it. By any means necessary…MOTIVATION.

I Know What I Gotta Do...

"Don't expect me to think like you, cuz my life ain't like yours." -T.I.

Man I'm trying. I know what I have to do. I know how I have to do it. Sometimes it takes time. Things don't always happen overnight. Sometimes it doesn't happen in six months. People will back you into a corner. Force you to make decisions you really don't want to make. I have a million things on my to-do list. I can only do two or three things at a time. I'm not blaming anybody. I'm not asking for any hand-outs. I'm trying not to make any mistakes. I'm trying to make the right decisions...for my life. I got a dream to catch. I don't care if I got to sleep in my car and scrape up change just to eat, I'm going to make something out of nothing. Sometimes people don't understand that when they pour negative things into people's spirit it affects them more than they realize. Sometimes you'll be on the verge of making a positive step forward and somebody will come out of nowhere and say some dumb stuff, or tell you something THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW, and push you two steps backward. Don't you hate that? If I have a check list with a million things on it, I don't need you downing me. Encourage me even if you don't understand the way I move. If you're not big on encouraging people, shut up. Real talk. I don't need any 'yes men' on my team. Either I'm riding solo or my squad and I are all moving in the same direction...FORWARD. It may not be the path always traveled, but I guarantee you we will arrive at our destination safely. Fuel to my fire. Stop preaching to the choir. I get it. I know. Leave me alone and let me work my magic. When I get there, no congratulations needed. I'm content now. Will be content then. Self MOTIVATION is the best MOTIVATION. I hear you talking. I see you looking. I understand you're wondering. No need. We good. I'm good. My head is high as ever. I'm still at peace. Sometimes you have to remind yourself where you're going even though everybody else may think you're headed in the wrong direction. If you are going in a direction that nobody around you has ever been in before, of course they aren't going to understand why you leave at 3am with only a backpack, a laptop and a change of clothes. I'm going places they ain't never been before. I don't have time to unpack my clothes. I gotta keep it movin'. Thought process is just different. This whole entry may not make any sense. Don't matter. Be patient. I'm MOTIVATING myself.

I Can Finally Be Just An American

Paying Homage to the Old School

I felt it way down deep in my soul...

While Making A Way For the New School


The most beautiful sight mine eyes have ever seen...

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul…thank you. As the day turns into night and the cold chill sets into the air, I am thankful. I’m overwhelmed and thankful. The question has been asked several times if we ever thought we’d see this day in our lifetime. No, I did not. I never thought that I would see the day where my first family would look just like me. Where my first family would come from the Southside of Chicago in a neighborhood similar to mine. Thank you. When I was younger my teachers looked at me and all my peers and told us that we could be whatever we wanted to be. They told us that all that we dreamt of at night could come true, if only we believed. They told us that with a good education and a dream in our heart, we could achieve the impossible. And I believed this until I was old enough to realize that no African American had ever been president…no matter how much education they had. No woman had every been president…no matter how qualified they were. So by the time I reached high school, I no longer believed that I could be whatever I wanted to be. A lawyer…maybe. A doctor…if I’m able. But never President of the United States…THESE United States. Never…in a million years. I always thought to myself, I can only go as high as they allow me. Every president, no matter how much I identified with their views, just couldn’t understand what it was like to be a Black woman growing up in the United States. So while they represented me, they didn’t understand me. While they stood in for me, they couldn’t stand for me. I was born in a country where I was once considered only three fifths of a person. The politicians fought so their children wouldn’t have to go to school with Black children. You see Mr. President, I just didn’t think that I would ever see you and your wife walking down Pennsylvania Avenue as THE First Family. You see I come from a place where most of my peers are just lucky to graduate from high school. The dreams we have are small in the eyes of man and often even those, are unattainable. Mr. President, we come from families that struggle to put food on the table and often die of heartache because they were never able to give their children the life that they know they deserved. My grandmother is 71 years old and still gets up and goes to work everyday. Not because she wants to, but because that’s what you have to do…where I come from. On this day, Mr. President, when Aretha Franklin sang “My Country ‘Tis of Thee,” that’s the first time that I felt like I had a home…and its name was America. So thank you Mr. President for doing it for me. Thank you for giving my great grandmother something to smile about…even though she grew up in the Jim Crow South. Thank you Mr. President for allowing me the opportunity to always be honest with my children. In the future, when I tuck them in the bed at night and I tell them that they can be whatever they want to be…I won’t be lying. When I tell my son that he can play basketball AND be president of the United States…THESE United States, he can look me in my face and say ‘without a shadow of doubt, mama I know I can.’ Thank you. Thank you Mr. President for being a good husband to your wife and a great father to your children. Thank you for showing me that you can come from a single parent home and still have a health family. Thank you. Thank you for carrying the burden of so many broken chidren…from the Southside of Chicago to the villages in Kenya. Thank you. Thank you for showing me that as a black woman, I don’t have to settle for anything less than the best. Showing me that if I want to, I can become the first lady of the United States…THESE.United States. You didn’t have to do it. You could’ve left your dreams where they told you to leave them…in your heart. But you didn’t. You took your wife and your children and you put your life in harm’s way…for me. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul…Mr. President.

NOTORIOUS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDDv6pAbN_U

I'm off today family. Go support the movie tonight...y'all be easy.

Just Cuz I Ain't Vibin' Like I Used To...

Sometimes it’s best to just vibe with yourself. I mean sometimes it’s really best to rid yourself of those unnecessary pleasures for awhile and just vibe with yourself. No clubs, no blackberry, no sex, no alcohol, just you…vibing with yourself…your inner self. I mean sometimes it’s just therapeutic to listen to your heartbeat. I know we all know that our heart is beating because we’re still breathing, but sometimes it’s good to just slow down and listen to it... Drama, negativity, stress, it all becomes too much sometimes. Just take a step back…if only for a minute. Celibacy, if only for a minute, is cleansing. It’s ok to say no. Be selfish for a change. If it’s not adding, then it must be subtracting. Cause I’m just not vibing with myself like I was before I let all these outside forces invade my personal space. My atmosphere. Have sex so much it becomes the norm. And for what? For who? Me? Nah, couldn’t be for me, cause if it was for me I wouldn’t be feeling like this. I would be vibing with myself. I mean you seem good and I ain’t bad, but I ain’t good either. I’m just here. Doin’ it. Doin’ you…for you. Not me. Why do I have this phone by me with every move I make? Hell, I can’t even go to the bathroom without it following me. Don’t have time to think a complete thought without lookin’ at this...UGLY *** PHONE! Nah, but it is kinda tight tho. Lemme text Dar… See that’s that BS that I be talkin’ about! Ugh! AND WHY IN THE HELL AM I THIS DAMN DRUNK ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT?!!! I mean IT’S WEDNESDAY for goodness sake! Geez! Watch me as I digress… I just wanna vibe with myself. No, I don’t wanna vibe with you. No, I don’t wanna come see you so we can “talk.” No, I just wanna vibe with myself. Listen to my heartbeat for a change. You don’t love me and I don’t love you, so quit actin’ like it’s more than what it is. I need to detox, if only for a short while, even it is just for 24 hours. Or maybe for a weekend. I mean what am I really going to miss if I don’t go downtown this weekend? I can save that $20 that I would spend gettin’ into that HIGH *** CLUB!! AND WHEN DID PAYIN’ $20 TO GET INTO A CLUB BECOME THE NORM AROUND HERE? Hell, Dallas AND Houston have lost they mind! Woosah, woosah…let me calm down… Back to what I was sayin’…wait what was I sayin’? Oh yeah, I don’t wanna go out this weekend. I just want to chill in my nice apartment, on my nice (expensive) couch, and watch my nice flat screen TV (that I paid too much for…should've just kept that Magnavox my mama gave me), and cook myself a nice dish, and listen to Maxwell (Fortunate) and just vibe with myself. No friends, no phone, no alcohol, and no weekend ‘boo.’ Just me and the breath I breathe…chillin’. Both just appreciating my heartbeat. And this detox ain’t about nobody else, but me. My body. My spirit. My health. My sanity. Cause everyone and everything else is driving me crazy. I just need to get my vibe back. THAT vibe back…with myself. Cause even if ain’t nothin’ else in my world goin’ right, if I’m vibin’ with myself, everything else will take care of itself. And so will I…if only for a short while.

It’s called MOTIVATION family…one decision at a time, one day at a time, and my life will be fine. It’s almost the weekend!

Is The Grass Really Greener On The Other Side???

"I know what it is to be in need, I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phillipians 4:12

We always want more than what we have. Always. By nature, we are not built to be content with what we have. There are only those split seconds in life, in which we are content with our life. Only in that split second. Now I'm not talking about being content with a particular situation nor am I referring to being satisfied with a certain person. I'm talking about being 99.9% (b/c nothing can ever be 100%) content with EVERYTHING in your life...at one time. Doesn't come around too often does it? As you can see, I did not use the word happy or pleased because happiness and contentment are not one in the same. Learning to be content with one's own life situations can bring about a peace to one's soul that trumps any discord that life's circumstances may bring. Let me be very clear, I am not saying be content with mediocrity or the lesser thereof. But I am saying be content with the hand that you have been dealt until you and your God create an atmosphere in which you can change it. I'm smart enough to know that I probably couldn't handle being a multi-millionaire right now. I'm not ready. Spiritually nor emotionally. And if there is one thing that I know to be true is that when you get something before you're ready for it, you will mess it up. Whether it be a relationship, money, fame, whatever... That's why I am content riding around the state of Texas in the Honda Boy. Me and my muzik. I can not have a dime in my pocket and have a smile on my face because I have a calmness in my spirit that surpasses possessing any material thing in this world. When your equilibrium is off, nothing in this world matters. Not the cars, the clothes, nor the clubs or the rest of the shallow things that entice our brains. All that matters is a peace of mind and a calmness of the spirit. I'm content in my soul with all that I have been blessed with. But there is undoubtedly a struggle on the inside that ensues when your mind wants something that your heart and soul are not ready for. All I'm saying Motivation family is we all want better for ourselves. We want more things that are better than the things we already have. We want to see more places that are more scenic than the places we've already seen. We want the type of money that can fly friends out on an all expense paid trip for the weekend just because its the weekend. But the grass isn't always greener on the other side, especially if you don't have the money to cover the water bill during your life's recession.

It's called self MOTIVATION...if you don't do it, don't be mad when somebody else does. Holla family. Until tomorrow...be easy.

There's more to life...

Something became vividly clear to me while sitting at Starbucks…it’s really not about me. Never has been, never will be. With or without me, the Earth and the contents therein will continue to turn. I was a functioning idiot up until the age of 21. It was my way, the highway or we can square up. Real talk. If I lied to you (shrugging shoulders), I lied to you. If you said something I didn’t like, a confrontation came with it. My heart was good, but it was also selfish. Then….life hit me. I believe that there are only a handful of individuals my age that know what Rock Bottom looks like. If you do, and you made it out alive, I know your heart just skipped a beat two times over when you read those words. Rock Bottom gave me knowledge that I couldn’t acquire anywhere else. It felt like it was the place where everything I had done in my past was waiting to get “reacquainted” with me. It’s the place where everything that I had been running from, as Jeezy puts it, “was gaining on my a**.” All at once. The place where I met Karma face to face and knew it was for real. Rock Bottom is that place where all those things I THOUGHT I was, stared me down and let me know, “you ain’t sh*t!” It’s that place where I laid all my facades down, next to my screwed up morals. It’s that place where regardless of what people did to me, I vowed I wouldn’t do the same thing to them. I went in a spoiled little girl and came out a grown a** woman. It’s that place where I stopped judging people, because just as many fingers that I point at others, are pointing back at me. Rock Bottom is the place where I learned to be honest, just for the sake of being honest. I learned that karma does not discriminate and there is no respect of persons. It all catches up with all of us in the end. It’s that place where I learned that it’s more to life than just wearing the letters and who knows my name. Rock Bottom was that place where I learned that my God deserved more time and effort than my relationship with any single human being on this Earth. I was wrong before I went there. So wrong. It’s really not about me. Really it’s not. I’m a real individual, but I had to die to myself before I could become who I am today. Today I’m committed to a cause and a purpose that’s much larger than myself. Down there I realized one thing…that it all catches up with you in the end. And it became vividly clear to me…that it’s really not about me. Never has been never will be. Don’t be like me and have to hit Rock Bottom before you realize that…

An advocate for real change…motivating you from the inside out.

Welcome to my world…everyday will be a different day. No two days will be the same. I hope to motivate you, to become your own change. This entry is dedicated to my 22 Founders who realized many decades ago that individual selfishness will not get you world wide change. See you tomorrow…